The Pokémon Princess Bride
by ShinyTogeticFTW
Summary: The Princess Bride, with a twist! A young Pikachu, low on electricity, receives a visit from his Smeargle grandfather, who regales him with an epic story! Original concept by wellnoduh, who after two chapters decided to discontinue it and subsequently gave me permission to take over for her. I have tweaked some of what she wrote, but I kept a lot of her ideas, including characters.


**A/N: ****Note that certain changes have been made to portray the Pokémon in a somewhat less human way than it would be if I were merely substituting them for the movie characters; they are still sentient, but they do not live in buildings (or, in the case of the boy, play video games). Other than that, though, it will be closely following the movie. The most difficult part of my alterations was replacing strictly human concepts with something that would be natural in a Pokémon society, i.e., Westley is Buttercup's neighbor and not her servant. I do not own any rights to Pokémon or The Princess Bride; if I did, I wouldn't be posting this story on a fanfiction site – I would publish it officially.**

* * *

(A young Pikachu is lying on his back on a bed of leaves, throwing an Aspear Berry in the air and catching it. His mother, a Raichu, comes over to check on him.)

Pikachu: *sniffles*

Raichu: Hey, Pika. You feelin' any better? *places cheek against Pikachu's*

Pikachu: *groans* Not really…

Raichu: Well, your grandfather's here.

Pikachu: *sighs* Can't you tell him I'm low on electricity?

Raichu: That's why he came; he'll help you relax so your body can recharge.

Pikachu: But he'll pull my ear! It's uncomfortable!

Raichu: Maybe he won't.

(The grandfather, a Smeargle, bounds over, swinging his tail in a circle.)

Smeargle: Hey! How's the sparkler? *pulls Pikachu's ear*

Pikachu: *cheeks spark weakly* *frowns, glares at Raichu*

Raichu: *sighs* I'll leave you two in peace. *walks away*

Smeargle: I've got a special surprise for you…

Pikachu: *starts to sit up* Really? What is it?

Smeargle: *dramatically* I'm gonna tell you a story!

Pikachu: *flops back down on his back* A story?

Smeargle: *disappointed at his grandson's reaction* Yeah, a story. When I was your age, children were interested in their family's heritage. And this story is important because it's been passed down through generations of different species, spanning almost every egg group!

Pikachu: Does it have any good Pokémon battles in it?

Smeargle: Sure! All kinds of battles: structured, freestyle, limited… Not to mention all the drama of torture, revenge, giants, chases, escapes, true love, and miracles!

Pikachu: *rolls eyes* It sounds alright; I'll try to listen for a little while.

Smeargle: Oh. Well, thank you very much. *sits on a nearby rock* Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. Alright, here it is… *clears throat* Buttercup grew up in a small meadow in the Sinnoh region.

(Pikachu imagines Buttercup, a shiny Lucario, running through the trees.)

Smeargle: Her favorite pastimes were practicing ExtremeSpeed in the nearby forest, and tormenting her lifelong neighbor. His name was Westley, but she never called him that.

(Pikachu imagines Westley, a regular Lucario, admiring Buttercup from afar.)

Smeargle: Isn't that a wonderful beginning?

Pikachu: Yeah, sure.

Smeargle: Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as bossing Westley around.

Buttercup: *notices Westley watching her and approaches him* Blue Boy! My feet are sore; give them a massage. I want them to be painless in the morning.

Westley: *nods* As you wish.

Smeargle: "As you wish" was all he ever said to her.

(Pikachu imagines a different day, and Westley is practicing Metal Claw on a tree. Buttercup struts over to him carrying a hollowed-out tree stump.)

Buttercup: Blue Boy! Fill this with water.

Westley: *turns and stares at her*

Buttercup: *unnerved* …please?

Westley: *smiles and nods* As you wish.

Smeargle: That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "as you wish", what he meant was "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.

(Pikachu imagines another day: Westley is walking past Buttercup.)

Buttercup: Blue Boy!

Westley: *stops and looks at her expectantly*

Buttercup: *looks around desperately for something to tell him to do* *sees a flower growing out of the ground beside her* Pick that flower for me?

Westley: *walks over slowly, never taking his eyes off of Buttercup* *wraps his tail around the stem and plucks the flower, bringing it up to be easily within her reach* *whispers* …As you wish. *smiles*

Buttercup: *smiles*

Smeargle: They embrace each other as they sun sets behind them, and their lips meet–

Pikachu: *sits up abruptly* Stop, stop! What is this, Gramps? You said there would be battles! *grimaces* This isn't a mushy old _love_ story, is it?

Smeargle: Just be patient.

Pikachu: I wanna hear about the battles!

Smeargle: Keep your stripes on, now be quiet and listen. Westley had to go on a journey in order to get stronger; in those days a female Pokémon could not be wed to a male unless he was at least 10 levels higher than her. Buttercup was very emotional about him leaving.

Pikachu: *groans* You've gotta be kidding me…

(Pikachu begrudgingly imagines Buttercup and Westley holding each other.)

Buttercup: *tearful* I fear I'll never see you again.

Westley: Of course you will.

Buttercup: But what if something happens to you?

Westley: Hear this, now: I will always come for you.

Buttercup: But how can you be sure?

Westley: This is true love. Think this happens every day?

Smeargle: They embrace once more and Buttercup kisses her beloved Westley farewell. Westley never completed his journey, however. He was attacked en route by The Vicious Ditto Roberts, who fought to the death and transformed his appearance to match that of his strongest opponents.

Pikachu: That's cool!

Smeargle: When word spread that Roberts had defeated and changed into a Lucario, Buttercup feared the worst and ran away, going into hiding. For days she spoke to no one, hardly slept, and barely ate anything.

Buttercup: *sulking alone* I will never love again.

Smeargle: 60 moon cycles after that, the central meeting grounds of Sinnoh was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great Prince Humperdinck's bride-to-be.

(Pikachu imagines Pokémon of all kinds gathered together in an enormous field alongside a river. They're all congregating around the king, Slowking; the queen, Lickitung; Prince Humperdinck, a Lickilicky; and the royal vizier, Count Rugen, a Magmar.)

Humperdinck: My fellow Pokémon… I, your prince, have chosen one of you, my loyal subjects, to be wed to me at sundown following the next passing of the full moon. As you all know, this marks my coming of age as the 25th king in our fair country of Sinnoh. My princess will now reveal herself to you.

(Buttercup steps forward, turning in place to show herself to everyone.)

Humperdinck: Since she has been chosen as my bride, even though she used to have the same social standing as you, she is now above you all and should be treated as such.

(At these words, all of the Pokémon assembled bow low to their new princess in reverence.)

Buttercup: *looks blankly at Humperdinck, her eyes devoid of feeling*

Smeargle: Buttercup's emptiness consumed her. Although the law of the land gave Humperdinck the right to choose his bride, she did not love him. Despite Humperdinck's reassurance that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily run.

(Pikachu imagines Buttercup ExtremeSpeeding through the forest, just as she had done before.)

Buttercup: *stops to catch her breath on the seashore*

(Three Pokémon – a Raticate, a Weavile, and a Snorlax – are standing nearby.)

Raticate: A word, my lady? We are but poor, lost Contest performers… Is there some kind of settlement nearby?

Buttercup: There is nothing nearby… Nowhere near enough to reach any time soon without above-average Speed.

Raticate: *sinister grin* Then no one will get here to look for you until we're long gone.

Snorlax: *opens his mouth wide in a Yawn*

Buttercup: *startled, starts backing away* *the effects of the Yawn make her fall asleep*

Snorlax: *carries Buttercup aboard the trio's boat*

Raticate: *bent over, drawing something on the ground*

Weavile: *to the Raticate* What is that you're scratching into the sand?

Raticate: *looks up, annoyed* It's the crest of the monarchy of Hoenn.

Snorlax: *confused* Who are the Hoenns?

Raticate: *irritated* The country of Hoenn! Across the sea! A fierce opposition to Sinnoh! When this country's prince comes looking for her, he'll see this marking next to her footprints and assume she's been abducted by a rival. *climbs onto the boat* When he finds her dead in a Hoenn forest, he'll want revenge in the worst way.

Snorlax: *wary* You never said anything about killing anyone…

Raticate: *looks at the Snorlax incredulously* I recruited you to help me start a war! It's a prestigious undertaking, with a long and glorious tradition.

Snorlax: *shakes head* I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent female…

Raticate: *eyes widen* Am I going mad… *approaches the Snorlax menacingly* …or did the word "think" escape your lips?! You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic landmass!

Weavile: *gestures toward the Snorlax* I agree with Fezzik. *joins the other two in the boat*

Raticate: *throws arms up in exasperation* Well, the sot has spoken! What happens to her is not truly your concern, I will kill her! *advances on the Weavile* And remember this, NEVER FORGET THIS: when I found you, you were so stumbling drunk on fermented Berries that you couldn't even use Scratch! *turns to Fezzik* And you! Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Abandoned in Snowpoint? *walks away*

(The boat begins to set sail.)

Weavile: *goes over to Fezzik* That Vizzini… *nods toward the Raticate* …he can _fuss_.

Fezzik: *mumbles* Fuss? Fuss… Think he like to scream _at us_.

Weavile: *leans forward* Probably he means no _harm_.

Fezzik: He's really very short on… _charm_.

Weavile: Ah… You've a great gift for rhyme.

Fezzik: Yes, yes… Some of the time.

Vizzini: Enough of that!

Weavile: Fezzik! Are there rocks ahead?

Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead!

Vizzini: No more rhymes, I mean it, now!

Fezzik: Anybody want some chow?

Vizzini: Gah!

(Night falls, and the boat is very far from where it left. The Weavile is at the stern, occasionally glancing at the endless expanse of ocean behind them. Buttercup is now awake, and surprisingly calm considering the position she is in.)

Vizzini: We'll reach Sharpedo Bluff by daybreak.

Weavile: *stares out at the receding horizon*

Vizzini: *annoyed at Weavile* Why are you doing that?

Weavile: *turns to face Vizzini* Making sure nobody's following us.

Vizzini: That would be inconceivable.

Buttercup: Despite what you think, you will be caught. And when you are, the prince will see you all executed.

Vizzini: Of all the lives on this boat, highness, the one you should be worrying about is your own.

Buttercup: *looks away*

Weavile: *looks back behind them again*

Vizzini: Stop doing that! We can all relax; it's almost over.

Weavile: You are sure nobody's following us?

Vizzini: As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable. No one in Hoenn knows what we've done, and no one in Sinnoh could've gotten here so fast. …Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

Weavile: Oh, it's nothing. Suddenly I just happened to look behind us and something is there.

Vizzini: What? *rushes to the stern and stares, open-mouthed, at the distant ship* *sounding less certain with each word he says* …Probably some local peasant, out for a Surf at night through Gyarados-infested waters…

(A splash draws the attention of Vizzini and the Weavile; they look over the side of the boat to see that Buttercup has jumped in and is trying to swim away in a desperate attempt to escape while her captors are distracted.)

Vizzini: Wha– wha… *to the Weavile* Go in, get after her!

Weavile: *taken aback* I don't swim.

Fezzik: *raises arms in a weak imitation of the swimming stroke* I only know the blubberfly…

Vizzini: Gah! *runs to side closest to where Buttercup jumped* Veer left!

Weavile: *steering the ship left*

Vizzini: Left! *gesturing right* Left!

Buttercup: *stops swimming and looks around confusedly as a strange, eerie sound echoes over the water*

Vizzini: Do you know what that sound is, highness? Those are the Shrieking Gyarados! If you don't believe me, just wait… they always grow louder when they're about to feed on Pokémon flesh!

Buttercup: *cries out in surprise as a Gyarados swims close by, brushing against her* *sputters, frantically scans the surface for any opening to get past them*

Vizzini: If you swim back now, I promise no harm will come to you. I doubt you'll get such an offer from the Gyarados…

(The Gyarados swarm Buttercup.)

Buttercup: *stares helplessly as one Gyarados breaks away from the others and charges forward, jaws open wide enough to swallow her whole*


End file.
